It has been 94 days since I last published Biblia Luna, this weekly newsletter about the intersection of mental illness and faith, written by a pastor who lives with depression.
For those who read Scholtes-Blog, it’s been 115 days since I published anything there.
So what happened? Did I get really busy? Did I lose the ability to write? Did I join the French Foreign Legion? Did I die?
Losing My Rhythm
No, none of those things. It’s just what you’d expect from somebody who identifies as “a pastor who lives with depression.” I got stuck. There’s a lot of reasons for that. I’ve spent some time this week figuring out just what that was all about. And I’ll be blogging about some of them over the next few weeks over at Scholtes-Blog. Check it out if you’re interested.
One of the possible ways to describe where I’ve been these past few months is this: I fell off the Rhythm of Resilience. A few years ago, I identified a series of habits and activities that I was going to do on a regular basis, whether daily, weekly, or monthly. The point of this rhythm was to keep myself from slipping so far down that I need severe intervention to be okay. The goal was to keep myself from the see-saw of crashing to rock-bottom, then having a powerful experience of healing, only to crash down again a year later. The hope was to keep my mental well-being more stable. And I think it worked – so long as I was keeping up with it.
But several times since I first developed the Rhythm of Resilience, I have failed to keep up with it. You know what it’s like – you go for your regular dentist visit, hear again how important flossing is, and you finally start flossing with dedication, every day, for about a week. Then you never floss again until the next dentist visit. Or is that just me? Well, that’s absolutely the way I am with dental floss, and my Rhythm of Resilience is supposed to be my mental floss. And I slip up with that too.
Luckily, I haven’t hit rock-bottom – only my writing has. But I’m working out a revised Rhythm of Resilience this week, and getting back to both Biblia Luna and Scholtes-Blog are parts of it.
Laws and Rhythms
In the book of Deuteronomy, we find these words spoken by Moses to the people:
“So now, Israel, give heed to the statutes and ordinances that I am teaching you to observe, so that you may live to enter and occupy the land that the Lord, the God of your ancestors, is giving you… You must observe them and perform them, for this will show your wisdom and discernment to the peoples, who, when they hear all these statutes, will say, ‘Surely this great nation is a wise and discerning people!’ …“But take care and watch yourselves closely, so as neither to forget the things that your eyes have seen nor to let them slip from your mind all the days of your life; make them known to your children and your children’s children—” (Deuteronomy 4:1, 6, 9)
The book of Deuteronomy is in great part a book of Law, a book of “statutes and ordinances.” (The word Deuteronomy itself means “second Law”). So often we ignore or downplay the commands and laws found in scripture. And when it comes to particular laws, that’s often a reasonable thing to do. As our world changes, the particulars of God’s relationship with us changes as well. Because what God’s Laws are really for is not to control us or scold us, but rather to give us guidance and encouragement to live the life God wants for us. To help us to be who we really are.
Kind of like my Rhythm of Resilience. As I rework that rhythm this week, my hope is that it is a way that I can grow closer to God, a way of nourishing my relationship with God, a way of finding paths to follow God’s laws better. Because I believe that those laws are there to help me. I believe they give my life meaning and hope. And I believe that working on my rhythm might help with that too.
Join in the Rhythm
I am starting something new in Biblia Luna this week. One of the things that is part of my revised Rhythm of Resilience is “connecting with other people.” I’d like to make “connecting with other people” part of this newsletter from now on. So I invite you, encourage you, I beseech you, to leave a comment on this article with your answer to the following question. I’d like to make this something of a conversation. I hope to respond to some of the comments, and I may decide to do something with the responses in a future issue. Here’s this week’s Biblia Question:
What is one habit you are glad you have?
Biblia Blessing
The God of all consolation bless us in every way, grant us hope all the days of our life, restore us to health and grant us salvation, fill our heart with peace, and lead us to eternal life. Almighty God bless us, the Father, the + Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen.
Michael! I love your vulnerability and honesty. I'm glad and grateful you've re-discovered your Rhythm. One habit that has changed my life is Journaling: Every day for the last year and a half and over 1000 entries the last 3 years. It has helped me get order. I started journaling only in the morning with observations of the previous day and expectations of the present day. I now Journal twice a day - once in the am and once in the pm - I wrap up weekly, monthly, quarterly and even annual entries. This has given me an appreciation of the value of time, the compounding effect habits have over time, as well as a sense of accomplishment. It's bred questions like: What did I learn last (day, week, month, year, etc)? Naturally, I ask that question on birthdays and I'm astounded by the answers. It's, overall, made me more conscientious and present - those are gifts. Can't wait for your next entries!!!
In pondering Rhythm of resilience: A habit id like to share falls under the category of giving my future self a gift - or gifts. In this case, i think of myself awakening at 4:45am tomorrow morning (“4am Dave”) and when the end of my current day arrives, i ask myself, “What could i do now to make it real easy on 4am Dave”?
Sometimes it means cleaning up the kitchen and making coffee, sometimes it means loading the dishwasher or leaving a reminder note for myself. It is a practical way for me to increase my self awareness and to connect with parts of myself that i may not be tuned into at the moment. I see it as an act of self love. When 10pm Dave sets 4am Dave up for success- all of our days tend to go smoother😎