Welcome to Issue #14 of Biblia Luna! In this weekly newsletter, I share a few things each week related to mental illness and faith.
Crazy Lectionary: Christ the King
November 20 is the last Sunday of the church year, a day sometimes called “Christ the King,” and in more progressive/woke circles, “The Reign of Christ.” Either way, it’s a day when the focus is on the end times, the day when Christ will rule forever. The gospel reading for Christ the King in Year C (the year we’re finishing now) is somewhat odd – it is a portion of the Passion gospel from Luke, a snapshot of Jesus on the cross. The part I want to look at is this:
39 One of the criminals who were hanged there kept deriding him and saying, “Are you not the Messiah? Save yourself and us!” 40 But the other rebuked him, saying, “Do you not fear God, since you are under the same sentence of condemnation? 41 And we indeed have been condemned justly, for we are getting what we deserve for our deeds, but this man has done nothing wrong.” 42 Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come in your kingdom.” (Luke 23:39-42 NRSVUE)
In all of the gospel tellings of the crucifixion, Jesus is hanged between two criminals. In Luke’s gospel alone, we hear them speak. One of them is cruel and mocks Jesus. The other is kind and humble, and asks Jesus for mercy. I’m reminded in a strange way of the old cartoon cliché of the devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other shoulder, each beckoning the cartoon character to do something or act in a certain way.
And that’s a way that I’ve begun to think about the voices I “hear” in my head. In my book Darkwater (available at Amazon and other fine booksellers), I talk a lot about two voices: the Dark Voice and the voice of God. The Dark Voice is a voice that tells me that I am worthless, that I am an impostor and a fraud, that the world would be better off without me. This is the voice of depression, one of the ways that I experience my illness in my daily life. This voice is always lurking within me, always ready to pounce when something goes wrong. His favorite sentence is: You should have known better.
The second voice I hear is the voice of God. I’m no prophet – I don’t purport to actually hear God’s voice. But what I hear is a whisper that reminds me of what God has promised me in scripture, what God has promised me through my baptism, what God has promised me through my calling in life.
I’ve now recorded about five podcast interviews about Darkwater, and I’ve found myself using the analogy of the “devil-and-angel-on-shoulders” to describe the way I experience the voices. I’ve found that the hosts interviewing me seem to relate to that pretty well.
Now, in saying that Luke’s story of the crucifixion reminds me a bit of my experience in life, I am by no means comparing myself to Jesus, or my suffering to his. But I wonder if it’s an experience we all have in some way – two voices speaking to us, one speaking from a place of anger and hatred, and the other from a place of love and peace. And I wonder if we can learn better to tell the difference, and if we can learn to ignore the nasty voice and put it in its place. And I wonder if we can learn to speak to the voice of love and peace, as Jesus did. Jesus said nothing to the first criminal. But to the second,
He replied, “Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise.” (Luke 23:43)
Helpful Resource
Someone told me recently that she’s seeing a new therapist, who will be using EMDR as a therapy. It reminded me of my first therapist, who used EMDR with me back in the mid-2000s. EMDR, which stands for “Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing,” is a very unique form of psychotherapy that is sometimes used in treatment of past trauma, including PTSD. The idea, as I understand it, is that trauma (both “big T” Trauma like child abuse or military trauma and “small t” trauma which we all live with in many ways) is recorded in our brain in a special way: the memory is encoded along with the attendant emotions. This means that whenever that memory is brought up, the emotions felt at the time flood in as well. The goal in EMDR is to “desensitize” the memory, and allow the client to reprocess it, to think about it differently and without being swamped by the powerful emotions.
The method used is to bring to mind a particular traumatic memory, and then use some method of “back and forth” movement, to allow the eyes to move in a particular way while thinking about the memory. The way my therapist did it was to have me wear headphones and listen to music that was specifically made for EMDR, with tones that alternated between the ears. Other therapists use different styles.
I find EMDR to be very strange, and I find it even stranger that it works! It has been a helpful tool for me with my small t traumas, and I know that it has also been very effective for people with big T Traumas. I don’t understand it, and sometimes think of it as “voodoo therapy,” and yet it is effective. The brain is a strange thing, and I find it fascinating and amazing that people have been able to explore and heal it in so many ways.
Find out more about EMDR here.
Biblia Blessing
For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope.
Jeremiah 29:11, New Revised Standard Version Updated Edition