Welcome to Issue #57 of Biblia Luna, the weekly newsletter about the intersection of mental illness and faith, written by a pastor who lives with depression. I put the holy back in melancholy!
Hopefully Tomorrow: Tomorrow Came Today
Dear Reader, you could be forgiven for thinking that I’m a sad sack all the time, a miserable person who is always looking for hope from a place of dark shadows. I mean, I am a sad sack like that, just not all the time. I visited a parishioner in the hospital today, a nonagenarian who has had more than her fair share of health problems. I told her that she seemed to have so much hope. She said something like, “I don’t tend to get down. I mean, sometimes I do, but I’m usually hopeful. I just try to see the good in every situation.” Yeah, so that’s just not me.
I am not by nature an optimist. Whether I claim it as clinical depression, or a melancholic disposition, or the long night of the soul, I’m so often in some kind of dark place. But not always. Take right now, for instance. I had an incredible experience in Spiritual Direction a few days ago. Incredible. I’ll probably share it at some point in the near future on my blog, but I’m not ready yet. For now, it will have to suffice to say that I’m in a very good headspace. I’m feeling hopeful and positive and curious about life. And that’s good. That’s really good. For me, having moments like this is the closest I’ll get to being happy, I think. The closest I’ll get to really feeling like I’m living in God’s grace. And I’m good with that. I really am.
I’m reminded of something Paul wrote in the letter to the Philippians:
12 Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect; but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. 13 Brethren, I do not consider that I have made it my own; but one thing I do, forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. 15 Let those of us who are mature be thus minded; and if in anything you are otherwise minded, God will reveal that also to you. 16 Only let us hold true to what we have attained. (Philippians 3:12-16, Revised Standard Version)
I haven’t obtained the kind of faith that drives away the darkness for good. I haven’t found the practice that makes all the sad times disappear. But I’m pressing on in my own way. I’m pressing on, and straining forward in times like this. I’m finding myself feeling a little more complete, a little more whole, a little more holy. Oh, I’ll be down again soon enough. But for now, for right now, I’m in a place of bright colors. And it’s good. And I’m going to do my best to “hold true that what I’ve attained.” No sad sack today. Maybe tomorrow. But not today.
Now, if I could just get myself blogging again.
A Few Interesting & Helpful Things from Very Well Mind
25 Positive Daily Affirmations to Recite for Your Mental Health
How to Shift from a Scarcity Mindset to an Abundance Mindset
How Clutter and Mental Health Are Connected
Mental Health in the News
Urgent Care Clinic for Mental Health in Maryland
Y.A. Books that Deal with Mental Health
Biblia Blessing
“In the middle of winter I at last discovered that there was in me an invincible summer.”
— Albert Camus