Welcome to Issue #71 of Biblia Luna, the weekly newsletter about the intersection of mental illness and faith, written by a pastor who lives with depression. I put the holy back in melancholy!
Hopefully Tomorrow
Three times in the past week, trauma has come up in my life. First, someone came to see me in my office to talk to me about her life story, and it was filled with lots of trauma. I tried to show her that I saw her, that I acknowledged her pain, and that she would be able to continue to grow from it as she kept working through it.
Second, I had a conversation with my therapist about the trauma response I always seem to have with power outages. He and I agreed that it might be helpful for me to reach out to a colleague of his who specializes in trauma, who might be able to help me work through this better.
And third, at our monthly Ministerium meeting, the clergy in our area had a visit from two people representing Resilient Lehigh Valley, an effort of the Greater Lehigh Valley United Way to create a trauma-informed and resilient community in our area. It was a very well-received presentation, and led to a lively and serious conversation about trauma in our congregations, and how we can learn to recognize it and respond to it more effectively.
I learned a long time ago from a colleague that when something appears in threes like this, it’s wise to pay attention to it – it just might be a way that the Holy Spirit is trying to speak to me. So let’s talk about trauma.
First off, I’m no expert on trauma, and I don’t want to pretend to be. So don’t expect any new insights or research-supported information here. But what I want to talk about is a few simple things about trauma that are so important to remember. If you want more information, I have a few links at the bottom. But here’s what I know:
Trauma is real.
The feelings around trauma are often incredibly strong, and can feel stronger than they “should.” We can tell ourselves, “I shouldn’t be overreacting like this,” Well, that’s nice to say. It would be nice if it were true. But trauma isn’t something we can rationally put to the side. The feelings are real, because traumatic memories encode themselves differently in the brain. There are things we can do to manage those feelings, but they’re real, even if we don’t even know where they’re coming from.
There are different types of trauma.
When we think of trauma, we often think of “big T” Traumas, like witnessing or participating in warfare, or being the victim of rape or assault. But they’re not the only kinds of traumas. There are also “little t” traumas, which we all go through from time to time. Some of them may seem minor, but what makes it trauma is how your body and your brain deal with it. I am convinced that something happened a few years ago during a power outage that has led to my trauma responses. I can’t quite figure out what it is, but it’s real. Was it minor? Probably. But somehow I didn’t deal with it fully, and until I do, I will probably respond this same way.
If you don’t deal with it, it will never go away.
Like grief, you can sometimes postpone dealing with trauma. Sometimes that’s a really wise thing. Sometimes you simply can’t process it right away. But dealing with trauma and grief can only be delayed, not deleted. If you don’t deal with the emotions, they will come out eventually. Duct tape is a really good temporary fix, but the leak will come out. And often in inappropriate or even dangerous ways, like depression, anger, even suicide. Trauma can even be passed down through the generations if you don’t deal with it. But it’s never too late to stop the cycle.
There is help available.
It takes work to deal with trauma, but you don’t need to do it alone. There are lots of good therapists out there and other resources. Support groups and other trusted communities can be tremendous resources as you do the work. Churches and other faith communities can also be helpful, if they are filled with people who will support you, and not just tell you to “pray harder.” Prayer is certainly good, but healing from trauma requires other sorts of help as well.
It’s not your fault.
This is really, really important. Dealing with trauma is not a moral failure. It’s not about feeling sorry for yourself or trying to get attention. You didn’t cause it, but it is your responsibility to get the help you need to heal from it.
If you are dealing with trauma in your life, I pray you have the courage to reach out and find the help you need. If someone you know is dealing with trauma, I pray that you have the wisdom and patience to be a good friend and a listening ear, and that you are able to recognize your own limits. Today you might not be okay, but … hopefully tomorrow you will be.
For some good resources on trauma, here are a few places to check out:
National Library of Medicine Trauma Resource List
PsychCentral: Finding a Path Through Trauma
Acceptance Affirmations, Vol. 2
A few years ago, I wrote a list of things I accept. Or more accurately, things I’m trying to accept. I shared a few of them last week. Here’s some more from that list. More next time!
I accept that I will sometimes experience sadness and depression. This does not need to define me. I accept that I am not a “depressed person,” but rather am someone who lives with this particular illness. I accept that I can live with this feeling, and find effective ways to cope with it.
I accept that I will sometimes experience anger. Sometimes people will be angry with me, and sometimes I will be angry with myself. I accept that while this is uncomfortable, I can live with it, without having to immediately fix the situation. I can find effective ways to cope with this anger, live with it as long as necessary, and respond appropriately to each situation without reacting too quickly. I will also sometimes be angry with others. I accept that while this is uncomfortable, I can cope with this and respond appropriately.
I accept that I will sometimes experience fear. I will face things that are uncertain, that are unknown. Even though this emotion will be uncomfortable, I accept that I can live with it, and find effective ways to cope with it. I do not have to immediately react to take away the discomfort.
Biblia Blessing
You who live in the shelter of the Most High,
who abide in the shadow of the Almighty,
will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress;
my God, in whom I trust.”
— Psalm 91:1-2, New Revised Standard Version