Welcome to Issue #83 of Biblia Luna, the (approximately) weekly newsletter about the intersection of mental illness and faith, written by a pastor who lives with depression. I put the holy back in melancholy! If you find this newsletter helpful or interesting, please consider sharing it with someone else (or on social media). It might help them too. And it will help me grow my audience, and reach more people. Thank you!
Hopefully Tomorrow
The Impossibility of Depression
For people with depression, the word impossible can feel like an old friend, a companion in the dark walk.
For instance, there are times when it seems completely impossible to do anything. Get the kitchen cleaned up? Impossible. Get that newsletter written? Impossible. Even get up off this couch? Impossible. Depression saps energy and motivation like a magic eraser. I’ve heard it said that the opposite of depression isn’t happiness, it’s motivation. Depression can be like the heaviest blanket, a weight that adds so much inertia that it feels like an insurmountable obstacle just to get up. So often I berate myself for being lazy, but that’s really not a fair assessment. But when you have a condition that both reduces both your motivation and your self-image, then attacking yourself for being lazy is pretty much the obvious conclusion.
There are also times when it seems completely impossible that anything will change. Depression can trick you into thinking that you’ve always felt this way, that you have never been happy or joyful, that there’s no hope that you ever will be. Even remembering a time in the past when things were different or better can get twisted, as the blurry greys of depression smudge out the vibrant colors those memories might have once had. And when it seems like nothing has ever been better in the past, it is really easy to believe that it will never get better in the future.
There are also times when it feels like you’ve tried everything. Medication, therapy, mindfulness, yoga, exercise…and to what end? You’re always back down in the end. Nothing ever gets you out, not permanently. It feels completely impossible that there is an end to the eternal spiral of downward mood swings.
The Impossibility of Salvation
In the 10th chapter of Mark, Jesus said to his disciples, “How hard it will be for those who have wealth to enter the kingdom of God! It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.” Now, if you’ve been around the church for a while, you might have heard a story that there’s a gate into Jerusalem called “The Eye of the Needle.” This gate was said to be very low, so that if a laden camel came, it would have to be unloaded, and then duck its head down to enter. Thus, a rich person certainly could enter the kingdom of God, it’s just that he would have to bow down and be humble.
The trouble is – there is absolutely no evidence that there ever was such a gate. This was a pious story invented in the middle ages to let wealthy people feel better about themselves. No, it seems like Jesus meant what he said – just as it’s impossible to get a literal camel through the literal eye of a literal needle, it’s impossible for a wealthy person to enter the kingdom of God.
His disciples were astounded and said, “Then who can be saved?”
And Jesus said, “For mortals it is impossible.” Impossible.
Impossible.
“But not for God – for God all things are possible.”
The Possibility of God
And there is the good news of the Gospel. The good news is that “for God all things are possible.” Through God, salvation happens. Through God, people of all sorts get through the eye of the Kingdom’s needle – rich people, poor people, old people, young people, even mentally ill people.
So I wonder if maybe this is hope for people lost in the impossibility of depression. Even there, there is hope. There is hope that things can get better, because we have a God who lives in the land of impossibility, stirring up the sand and watering the land, nurturing the plants and leading all in dance. And maybe, who knows, maybe making tomorrow a little better than today. Maybe, who knows, maybe bringing an unexpected moment of grace and joy into our lives.
It's not certainty. It’s not a sure thing. But maybe it’s enough. Maybe that’s exactly what God’s up to, and maybe it’s enough.
Harvest Full of Hope
If you’re in driving distance of the Lehigh Valley, consider attending Harvest Full of Hope next week, the annual conference seeking to promote mental wellness and provide education on emerging topics in the field of mental health. This year’s event will be Tuesday, October 15 at Steelstacks in Bethlehem. I plan to be there learning and networking. Click here for more info!
Biblia Blessing
The God of all consolation bless us in every way, grant us hope all the days of our life, restore us to health and grant us salvation, fill our heart with peace, and lead us to eternal life. Almighty God bless us, the Father, the + Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen.