Welcome to Issue #68 of Biblia Luna, the weekly newsletter about the intersection of mental illness and faith, written by a pastor who lives with depression. I put the holy back in melancholy!
HOPEFULLY TOMORROW: Happy Happy Joy Joy
A few days ago, I was doing my morning devotion. The scripture I was meditating on that morning was Psalm 84. The final verse of that Psalm stuck in my head that morning:
O LORD of hosts, happy is everyone who trusts in you.
And I started thinking: am I happy? No, not really. Not often. I mean, I’ve certainly been happy. I’ve had moments of joy and happiness. But my default setting is something shy of happy. Right now, as I write this, if I were to describe my emotions, I’d say I’m neutral. Some days, that’s kind of the best I can hope for, and that’s usually alright with me. My mental health goals include staying out of depression, and if I succeed in that, I’m satisfied. Happiness? Eh, it’s nice, and I’ll take it, but it’s not necessary.
And yet, here in this Psalm, we are told that everyone who trusts in God is happy.
Oh that’s rough to hear. Does that mean that I don’t trust in God? I don’t think so. I try my best to hold onto and cling to God, and sometimes it’s that very clinging that keeps me out of a depression, or helps me to climb out of it. So what do I do with this verse? Say that it’s wrong? Just ignore it? Certainly there are parts of the Bible we all ignore. (How many of us follow the Levitical law that forbids wearing clothing woven of two fabrics?)
This is one of the tough things about having both faith and mental illness. It’s so easy to think that our faith, our trust in God, is supposed to make us happy – and therefore, if we’re not happy, we are doing it wrong. But I don’t think that’s right. I think it’s helpful to look at an alternate translation of Psalm 84:12: blessed is everyone who trusts in you. The Hebrew word here can be translated both ways, and perhaps blessed is a word that I can more easily embrace. Everyone who trusts in God is blessed? Yes, I can accept that I’m blessed, no matter how I feel. God blesses me with what I need, even when, especially when, I’m struggling.
It's okay not to be happy all the time. It’s okay not to be happy much at all, if you can find meaning where you’re at. Just know that you’re blessed today. Do you feel that? I hope you do. If not, then hopefully tomorrow.
I’M PLANNING A PODCAST
Labyrinths are an incredible spiritual tool, a kind of walking meditation. I find them to be one of the best ways for me to connect with God and with my best self. I’m working on creating a podcast in which I will interview people who have built labyrinths. I think it will be an intriguing discussion about how spirituality works in different people.
I don’t know how long it will take me to get it off the ground. My goal at this point is to get the first episode out sometime in the summer. Watch this space!
OVER ON THE BLOG
Sigh. I’m in a creative rut right now. Not much going on at Scholtes-Blog. I’m hoping that will change. I’ve signed up for an online course called “Lent with the Mystics.” I’ll be reading excerpts from several of the Christian mystics, and I’ll need to do some writing as part of the course. I’m hoping that I can adapt some of that writing into blog posts, or maybe just be more inspired and motivated to write. Wish me luck.
MENTAL HEALTH IN THE NEWS
Our Biggest Mistakes When Debating Mental Health (Psychology Today)
‘They thought they were doing good but it made people worse’: why mental health apps are under scrutiny (The Guardian)
BIBLIA BLESSING
“If you've been through trauma you don't need more drama, so surround yourself with those who bring you peace.”
― Christy Ann Martine