Going with the Flow

Biblia Luna #75

Welcome to Issue #75 of Biblia Luna, the weekly newsletter about the intersection of mental illness and faith, written by a pastor who lives with depression. I put the holy back in melancholy!

Hopefully Tomorrow

For the last month or so, I’ve been thinking about something I’ve been calling “flow.” I’m not sure how this idea got lodged in my head right now. It’s nothing brand new to me – it’s something I’d heard about and toyed with for many years. But somehow it’s become more real to me lately, and I’ve been trying to stay aware and mindful of it throughout the day.

I mean, I’ve read a little bit about Taoism, and I think my understanding of flow comes a little bit from the idea of the Tao. I’ve seen all the Star Wars movies, and I think my understanding of flow comes a little bit from the idea of the Force. I’ve read the Bible (and I’m certainly more of an authority on the Bible than I am on either Taoism or Star Wars), and I think my understanding of flow comes a little bit from passages like this morning’s gospel, John 15:1-8, where Jesus instructs his disciples to “abide in him.” I’ve read about “the zone” that athletes can get into, and I think my understanding of flow comes a little bit from that. And it’s definitely also from the understanding I got of Psalm 19 while diving into it this past Lent.

So here’s what I mean by flow: There’s a structure to the universe, a set of laws that all objects follow. And there’s a flow to it. Atoms and molecules vibrate in tune with the laws of creation. And there’s a structure and a flow to our bodies – we breathe in and out. Our heart pumps in a rhythm. Blood flows, air flows, muscles contract and extend, and so forth. And there’s a flow to the world around us. Air currents and jet streams, rotations of the earth and revolutions of the moon. The tides flow in a complex yet predictable pattern of ebbs and flows from the gravity of the sun and moon. And there’s a flow to our relationships as well – conversation flows back and forth, friendships wax and wane, people come in and out of our lives. And I think there’s a flow to our lives as we walk through it, a path like a labyrinth flowing in and out, guiding us and hedging us.

And I think that all of this is actually the same flow – that’s what I learned from Psalm 19, that the laws that govern the universe are the same laws that God gives us for good relationships. Somehow, in some level-transcending way, the same flow that guides atoms in their vibrations and gravitational waves in their transmission is the same flow that guides our lungs and hearts, the same flow that guides our connections with one another.

But this is all metaphysical mumbo-jumbo so far. Here’s where it becomes practical: I think we can, to a very limited extent, feel this flow in our day-to-day life, in our decisions and actions. And I think that when we do, we can choose to follow it or not. So often in our lives, we encounter resistance to what we try to do – resistance from outside us or from within. And I think that sometimes that resistance is the fact that we’re going against the flow of the world around us, that we’re trying to do something that’s not aligned with what we’re “supposed” to do. And I think that if we recognize this, and try to rethink what we’re doing, it will go better for us. We’ll be able to bear more fruit if we row with the current instead of against it.

I recognize that there are problems with this theory. I recognize that it’s sometimes really hard to tell if resistance occurs because we’re going against the flow, or just because something’s hard. I recognize that this could simply be a way to avoid conflict, to support the status quo. It’s not a perfect theory. It’s not a foolproof system. But I think for me, right now, it’s a good practice to try.

I have found myself more mindful. I have found myself questioning why things aren’t going well. I’ve found myself questioning if I should really respond to the urgent email when I’m working on a sermon – maybe I should just stick with the sermon, and deal with the email later. I’ve found myself noticing when I’ve caused resistance from my own internal depression – and I’ve tried to fight against that.

But for right now, I think this is a helpful practice to try to get more in tune with the world around me, more in tune with myself, and more in tune with abiding in God. It’s not always easy to remember this, but I’m getting better. Hopefully tomorrow will be even more “in flow” than today.

Mental Health in the News

A small gesture could make a big change in a teen’s mental health (Seattle Times)

A Colorado Blueprint for Supporting Children’s Mental Health (US News & World Report)

Eating disorders are not a choice, they are a disease – I wish more people knew how treatable they are (The Guardian)

Biblia Blessing

“I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who abide in me and I in them bear much fruit, because apart from me you can do nothing.” (John 15:5, New Revised Standard Version Updated Edition)